Since my birthday..i hav stopped updating. Pretty much stopped thinking. Just following the routines of life and let it consumed my time.
Urgh...hate myself for that. Wish i could get back into writing..
Its been so many years since I wrote freely. Was reading some fiction Jes and i used to write, and the comments our readers were leaving us with. We were each other's secret life. The best friend others had no idea existed. :)
I feel like switching to tumblr.
And maybe I would. I miss writing. Creating. Capturing the moments, documenting them for what they are. Instead of just shooting aimlessly.
Just been inspired by the following story. I hope it would inspire you too. :)
http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/
It had been a little dream of mine to write letters to myself. I remember how I used to do it when I was much younger. But now, words are harder to find. Everytime I start typing, the words would leave me. Just like what's happening now...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEE.
I can't thank FB enough. haha.
Foolishly removed the birthday notification on 1st September, confidently thinking my own friends wouldn't need reminders to my birthday. Still, the results were un-surprisingly few. Haha.
Nevertheless, i can't be disappointed. Because that's just the way the current world is. Because of the wonderful notification app, many of my friends were able to take this chance to share something i've never knew abt them and how they view me. It was a great opportunity for me to reflect on my relationships with everyone too.
As usual, I know my poor friends are at a loss of what to do with me, when i refused to celebrate my own birthday the proper way. Kinda pity them. haha. But this year has been so significant to me and there had been so many celebrations already, I felt that today, was the best time for me to spend it like a normal day. Surfing the net, sending out my hugs and kisses, having dinner by myself (thou Ailin and Rena were obviously waiting to treat me. :P) and attending the RHQ5 leaders meeting at TBSC. :) Last but not least, a movie treat to 'Sandcastle' from Mr. Hysen. The film has a slow-moving pace. But one part that kept repeating, struck a chord in me.
Just this January, i vividly recall myself encouraging my friends to chase their dreams, no matter what comes our way. And in a span of just eight months, i feel my own vision blurring in front of me. Due to circumstances, we are forced to accept reality and society for what it is. Are we really helpless?
Ikeda Sensei often praised the youth for taking action towards righteousness, towards lofty ambitions. Many other world leaders out there, are taking the same stand. It makes me wonder now, 'Are they calling out to us, to achieve what they were not able to when they were younger?'
The adults we see everyday, weren't they the same as what we are today? If so, why can't they renew their determination every time they start to lose themselves? What was holding them back? Will I lose myself and become as apathetic too?
I've decided. To give myself one more chance. One more attempt. Even if I should fail, I know I wouldn't live with regrets. And I will never allow another youth to fail due to the similar circumstance I face today.
Today, I wrote a letter. And in this letter, I composed a poem of my determination to my mentor, Ikeda Sensei.
Foolishly removed the birthday notification on 1st September, confidently thinking my own friends wouldn't need reminders to my birthday. Still, the results were un-surprisingly few. Haha.
Nevertheless, i can't be disappointed. Because that's just the way the current world is. Because of the wonderful notification app, many of my friends were able to take this chance to share something i've never knew abt them and how they view me. It was a great opportunity for me to reflect on my relationships with everyone too.
As usual, I know my poor friends are at a loss of what to do with me, when i refused to celebrate my own birthday the proper way. Kinda pity them. haha. But this year has been so significant to me and there had been so many celebrations already, I felt that today, was the best time for me to spend it like a normal day. Surfing the net, sending out my hugs and kisses, having dinner by myself (thou Ailin and Rena were obviously waiting to treat me. :P) and attending the RHQ5 leaders meeting at TBSC. :) Last but not least, a movie treat to 'Sandcastle' from Mr. Hysen. The film has a slow-moving pace. But one part that kept repeating, struck a chord in me.
These lines revolved around the protagonist's late father's love letter to his wife, telling a tale of a man who had returned from the sea.
He was on a search in the ocean, seeking of an Utopia for his people. It wasn't easy. What if he had gave up the search when he was almost there? He found it, nevertheless. And when he returned to tell his wonderful tale, they were too afraid to step out of their comfort zone to believe him. This man couldn't bear to leave his loved ones. Remaining on land until he grew old, never did he returned to the sea. And when he finally did, he realized, that the amount of courage that remained in him, were not sufficient enough for him to plunge back in, and all he could do was to stay by the shore. Are we often leading our lives, just like this man?
Just this January, i vividly recall myself encouraging my friends to chase their dreams, no matter what comes our way. And in a span of just eight months, i feel my own vision blurring in front of me. Due to circumstances, we are forced to accept reality and society for what it is. Are we really helpless?
Ikeda Sensei often praised the youth for taking action towards righteousness, towards lofty ambitions. Many other world leaders out there, are taking the same stand. It makes me wonder now, 'Are they calling out to us, to achieve what they were not able to when they were younger?'
The adults we see everyday, weren't they the same as what we are today? If so, why can't they renew their determination every time they start to lose themselves? What was holding them back? Will I lose myself and become as apathetic too?
I've decided. To give myself one more chance. One more attempt. Even if I should fail, I know I wouldn't live with regrets. And I will never allow another youth to fail due to the similar circumstance I face today.
Today, I wrote a letter. And in this letter, I composed a poem of my determination to my mentor, Ikeda Sensei.
Like a lighthouse,
I will continue to shine my light on the lost ships in life.
Like a lion cub,
I will roar so loudly that the cunning foxes of doubt and laziness will stay away.
Like a determined carp,
I will leap over Dragon’s Gate with all my might.
Like a young eagle,
I will soar and fight all the injustice in the world.
As Ikeda’s disciple,
I will continue to seek out and be victorious, just like my mentor.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Playing With Fire, Pushing The Limits
Have you ever wanted something so badly before you'd die for it?
That was pretty much the kind of desperation I felt on August 14th, 2010.
I guess that's probably what they mean as "not begrudging one's life".
It was probably the first performance I'd ever participated that has not achieved perfection before during rehearsals. With the usual cultural festivals, national day parades, chingay parades and school events, by the 2nd or 3rd rehearsal, everyone would be confident of their positions and steps. Not that we wouldn't. But the huge potential risks were present at every moment. Til Show Day, changes were apparent.
The initial trainings brought on a toll on each participant. Because of the different requirements of each trainer and prop, we were tossed about countless times. From poi, to staff, to fan and dart...this routine went on for 2-3 sessions. The elites had their places confirmed in their specific prop group. The weaker ones in techniques had to go through auditions again and again til they got selected. Those who couldn't get into any of the fire elements felt dejected and disappointed. So were the rest, who felt helpless as we watched our friends leave. Through the trainings, a few others dropped out, due to unavailability to commit, inappropriate attire, unable people-relate and not surprisingly, the fear of fire. Like me, many others can't believe we actually stick through the end.
Our item's called "Playing With Fire, Pushing The Limits". The story begins with a little girl (Charmaine :D ) finding a box of matches at home and ignores her mother's warning of 'Don't play with fire'.
This production was brought together by 450 youths age ranging from upper-primary, secondary and tertiary students, posing as carps. It's also a collaboration with Bornfire, a non-profit organization that works towards a goal of bridging differences and aims to break the stigma of what the public has of fire arts. In the fire element, there were 100 fire performers, 95% who has never been exposed to fire arts. 10 wonderful international free-lance instructors. We also had about 30 young men who donned themselves as carps, shooting pyrotechnics.
The inaugural Youth Olympic Games committee were about seeking new ways to bring Olympic opening ceremonies to new heights. Situated in the world's largest floating platform, performers were required to showcase their items in a huge water lake that was at 5cm high. We met so many obstacles.
The costumes got wet and weighs a ton as water soak up the material. Fire performers had our costumes heavily soaked in fire-retardant that smelt like Omega 3 Fish oil. >.<>
As we stood at the 3rd level of F1 pit and watched the weather at the platform, the clouds seem to drift nearer to the stage. I got so desperate, my body was shivering and I started to cry!! *faints*
You know how dramatic it is for girls to have mascara-streaked faces? At least, I always thought that way. And I couldn't believe it when aaron took my hands away from my face and exclaimed, attracting more people to look. UGLYYYY~ haha. But with out determined and united prayers, we overcame the weather!! :D
At every SSA performance, we did our best and the organizing committees for different shows know it. They have never got much to worry about. From the choreography changes to support staff and performers' discipline, we always try to excel, be better than we were before. And this item is definitely an enormous breakthrough, not just for us but everyone who knew the efforts we put into making this, the best ever.
We wanted to blow people's minds. We had to do things no one else has ever attempted. Our trainers were awesome role models and our safety crew were committed to their tasks. Of course, we had arguments and unpleasant moments. I was not everybody's best friend. But it was not avoidable. Because of everyone's dedication and passion for the show, ideas evolved and merged with others, they became more creative.
There were glitches here and there but thankfully, the camera angles caught all the right ones and the performers got back up on their feet almost immediately. We were pleased. We were proud. All because we knew it was the best we could offer to the world with all sincerity and passion, under those circumstances.
Countless human dramas took place throughout the last five months. It wasn't just our show. It was also human revolution in our individual lives. Obstacles came and vyed with each other. But we overcame all odds and transform into a dragon. :D
That was pretty much the kind of desperation I felt on August 14th, 2010.
I guess that's probably what they mean as "not begrudging one's life".
164 days of training, 3936 hours, 550 performers, 100 fire performers, 21 safety crews, 10 fire trainers, countless pails of fuel, spins, ignition, blisters and burns. - Bornfire.
It was probably the first performance I'd ever participated that has not achieved perfection before during rehearsals. With the usual cultural festivals, national day parades, chingay parades and school events, by the 2nd or 3rd rehearsal, everyone would be confident of their positions and steps. Not that we wouldn't. But the huge potential risks were present at every moment. Til Show Day, changes were apparent.The initial trainings brought on a toll on each participant. Because of the different requirements of each trainer and prop, we were tossed about countless times. From poi, to staff, to fan and dart...this routine went on for 2-3 sessions. The elites had their places confirmed in their specific prop group. The weaker ones in techniques had to go through auditions again and again til they got selected. Those who couldn't get into any of the fire elements felt dejected and disappointed. So were the rest, who felt helpless as we watched our friends leave. Through the trainings, a few others dropped out, due to unavailability to commit, inappropriate attire, unable people-relate and not surprisingly, the fear of fire. Like me, many others can't believe we actually stick through the end.
Our item's called "Playing With Fire, Pushing The Limits". The story begins with a little girl (Charmaine :D ) finding a box of matches at home and ignores her mother's warning of 'Don't play with fire'.
This production was brought together by 450 youths age ranging from upper-primary, secondary and tertiary students, posing as carps. It's also a collaboration with Bornfire, a non-profit organization that works towards a goal of bridging differences and aims to break the stigma of what the public has of fire arts. In the fire element, there were 100 fire performers, 95% who has never been exposed to fire arts. 10 wonderful international free-lance instructors. We also had about 30 young men who donned themselves as carps, shooting pyrotechnics.
The inaugural Youth Olympic Games committee were about seeking new ways to bring Olympic opening ceremonies to new heights. Situated in the world's largest floating platform, performers were required to showcase their items in a huge water lake that was at 5cm high. We met so many obstacles.
The costumes got wet and weighs a ton as water soak up the material. Fire performers had our costumes heavily soaked in fire-retardant that smelt like Omega 3 Fish oil. >.<>
After warm-up and changing into our costumes, we were told that the weather was looking so bad, the show would be delayed. Of course, if it does rain, its impossible to even perform. We started to chant daimoku. Never in our other productions has SSA performers chanted less for the success of the show. But in SYOG, we had never come together to chant in unison before, due to the respect for many non-members that were present.At such a time, the three obstacles and four devils will invariably appear, and the wise will rejoice while the foolish will retreat. - WND.
As we stood at the 3rd level of F1 pit and watched the weather at the platform, the clouds seem to drift nearer to the stage. I got so desperate, my body was shivering and I started to cry!! *faints*
You know how dramatic it is for girls to have mascara-streaked faces? At least, I always thought that way. And I couldn't believe it when aaron took my hands away from my face and exclaimed, attracting more people to look. UGLYYYY~ haha. But with out determined and united prayers, we overcame the weather!! :D
At every SSA performance, we did our best and the organizing committees for different shows know it. They have never got much to worry about. From the choreography changes to support staff and performers' discipline, we always try to excel, be better than we were before. And this item is definitely an enormous breakthrough, not just for us but everyone who knew the efforts we put into making this, the best ever.
We wanted to blow people's minds. We had to do things no one else has ever attempted. Our trainers were awesome role models and our safety crew were committed to their tasks. Of course, we had arguments and unpleasant moments. I was not everybody's best friend. But it was not avoidable. Because of everyone's dedication and passion for the show, ideas evolved and merged with others, they became more creative.
"The definition of a good show is where only we know what went wrong."
- extract from The Spark, Cirque De Soleil.
There were glitches here and there but thankfully, the camera angles caught all the right ones and the performers got back up on their feet almost immediately. We were pleased. We were proud. All because we knew it was the best we could offer to the world with all sincerity and passion, under those circumstances.
Countless human dramas took place throughout the last five months. It wasn't just our show. It was also human revolution in our individual lives. Obstacles came and vyed with each other. But we overcame all odds and transform into a dragon. :D
Friday, August 13, 2010
Leaping over the Dragon Gate
Each of us, is like a carp.
To transform into dragons, we need to face big obstacles like fishermen and birds of prey and overcome the huge currents while leaping up the waterfall, Dragon Gate. Those who succumb to their own negativity, will only end up miserable and filled with regrets.
To transform into dragons, we need to face big obstacles like fishermen and birds of prey and overcome the huge currents while leaping up the waterfall, Dragon Gate. Those who succumb to their own negativity, will only end up miserable and filled with regrets.
However, the One Carp who can make a strong vow to leap the waterfall, no matter what adversities come its way, will definitely turn into an invincible dragon.
"Those who try hard will be rewarded with unimaginable benefits, regardless of how humble their origins."
That is the moral of the Chinese myth, "Leaping the Dragon Gate".
Are you the lone carp who spends its entire life hiding at the bottom of the waterfall, or do you dare to challenge yourself to newer heights and transform into a dragon?! Only YOU can determine the answer.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
What have I been doing?
Pretty much nothing. And its damn unhealthy. No challenges, no struggles, no life.
I'm not weird. Just feel like pushing myself further. Of course, without much direction or goal, my amount of daimoku (prayers/chanting) has decreased too. My journey towards attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime might take even longer now. LOL. Thankfully, that's not the reason why I'm practicing this Buddhism.
Time to set my life back into course. It's nice staying in the library for hours, or just lazing at home with just me and Mr. Macbook, but life's definitely stagnant. Biggest acheivement so far? I've watched more movies in this week alone, than I ever did in the last 21 and 3/4 years of my life. *applause*
Maybe I was wrong. Life isn't all about just learning and learning new stuff. I'm not letting myself put anything I've learn into good use. Now, It seems more appealing to me, to FIND A JOB, and after a day of work, come back and find some time to do the other things, instead of living that way 24/7.
My past job required 100% of my time & commitment. My current occupation, or lack of, is wasting that 100% - well, except for the time I'm going for meetings and meeting with friends. Conclusion? I really need to have the good fortune to find a job that earns me Beauty, Gain & Value.
Beauty - a job that I like, or find interesting.
Gain - time and money. something that pays and also allows me to 'have THE life'.
Value - somewhere i can learn and contribute back joyfully.
At a meeting today, JY shared, that the most important kind of Courage probably found when we decide to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY - of our lives and the environment.
Are we going to the most difficult places? Are we challenging ourselves at the place that needs us the most? Are we taking initiative to change our environment or simply relying on others to take that first step?
I guess THAT is also the most unpretentious kind of Courage. You'll bound to face opposition/persecution. Because it's so hard for human beings to convince themselves that "I CAN." But that's also the most important courage one needs to cultivate in one's life. At least, I know that's something I need to work on mine.
k. this pep talk is getting somewhere. haha. time for action.
i'll update my progress on tuesday. :D
There are times when we won’t see each other for a while, you’ve got your life, and I have mine. But, all you has to do is smile and you'll have me again. And if we have the time? Tell me everything that's been going in your life. And I shall share mine too. :)
I'm not weird. Just feel like pushing myself further. Of course, without much direction or goal, my amount of daimoku (prayers/chanting) has decreased too. My journey towards attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime might take even longer now. LOL. Thankfully, that's not the reason why I'm practicing this Buddhism.
Time to set my life back into course. It's nice staying in the library for hours, or just lazing at home with just me and Mr. Macbook, but life's definitely stagnant. Biggest acheivement so far? I've watched more movies in this week alone, than I ever did in the last 21 and 3/4 years of my life. *applause*
Maybe I was wrong. Life isn't all about just learning and learning new stuff. I'm not letting myself put anything I've learn into good use. Now, It seems more appealing to me, to FIND A JOB, and after a day of work, come back and find some time to do the other things, instead of living that way 24/7.
My past job required 100% of my time & commitment. My current occupation, or lack of, is wasting that 100% - well, except for the time I'm going for meetings and meeting with friends. Conclusion? I really need to have the good fortune to find a job that earns me Beauty, Gain & Value.
Beauty - a job that I like, or find interesting.
Gain - time and money. something that pays and also allows me to 'have THE life'.
Value - somewhere i can learn and contribute back joyfully.
At a meeting today, JY shared, that the most important kind of Courage probably found when we decide to take FULL RESPONSIBILITY - of our lives and the environment.
Are we going to the most difficult places? Are we challenging ourselves at the place that needs us the most? Are we taking initiative to change our environment or simply relying on others to take that first step?
I guess THAT is also the most unpretentious kind of Courage. You'll bound to face opposition/persecution. Because it's so hard for human beings to convince themselves that "I CAN." But that's also the most important courage one needs to cultivate in one's life. At least, I know that's something I need to work on mine.
k. this pep talk is getting somewhere. haha. time for action.
i'll update my progress on tuesday. :D
There are times when we won’t see each other for a while, you’ve got your life, and I have mine. But, all you has to do is smile and you'll have me again. And if we have the time? Tell me everything that's been going in your life. And I shall share mine too. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)