PLEDGE OF SILENCE.

Signed up with 800 fellow NP students for the POS. Ten other educational institutions took part in it too.

It's a campaign against the silence of HIV/AIDS. Society needs to recognize that there is still silence surrounding HIV/AIDS which is caused by stigmatization and discrimination. This will in turn impedes public awareness for HIV/AIDS and dis-empower infected individuals.

In an effort to combat the stigma, I pledged EIGHT hours of silence on 30th October, 2009. When the pledge ends, I will actively remove myself from the cycle of silence that only drives HIV/AIDS further underground.

Signing on the pledge card, I look through the contents. There were choices for the pledgers to choose. We have to strictly adhere to the conditions, limited by our own comfort zone.

Besides pledging absolute silence, we could also choose to limit our speech to 5 words or be in silence without hand gestures to anyone / without eye contact with anyone / without the use of mobile and wireless communication. I didn't had enough determination to choose the latter few choices.

Sadly, there were a countable number of times where I broke my silence too. I still continued to see through the rest of my pledge though. To me, the significance behind this pledge is great. Even IF there was a disqualifying condition, I would still stay mute for 8 hours. Courage and perseverance were essential to this campaign. If I had given up mid-way deliberately, I'll probably never forgive myself.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Initially, I was afraid that I would face discrimination. How would others view me? Then, a thought pushed away all my worries. "I cowardly hide away from the crowd, because I don't know how others view me. Then, for our fellow sick friends, how would they feel having to shy away like this, for life?"

Thankfully, my classmates and lecturers were supportive too! haha...besides the guys' occasional disturbing, I managed to last til the end of the last lesson! It's not the end yet. There's still more to do until we eradicate this silence in our society.

To those out there who are ill because of HIV/AIDS, please know that there are many of us supporting you!! Don't give up! :D

she said he is confused. confused by my actions. he isn't sure how to love me now.
i don't even dare to think abt it. can't you see we are the same?
i'm scared to love you.
you will be hurt, because I dunno how to love you well.

The Colour of Champagne

Champagne Rose.

-=-

i'm thankful. :)

I know this is awfully belated. Just wanna say how grateful I am to every single family and friend in my life. September hasn't been an easy month to pull through. October is almost ending and i'm still lost in my 21st year resolutions. But because of this eventful period, I got to understand myself better. No longer do I wish to wallow in self-pity.

Days ago, a girlfriend and i had an argument. We had different views about life. I didn't like her cynical remarks and she finds me fake at times too. Fake probably because to her, I don't let myself see the world negatively. And I had my reasons. But I was glad we talked about it. Even if in the end, our views were still largely biased, it made me reflect a lot about myself.

I realized how much I yearn for emotional detachment. Detachment does not mean ignoring an experience, but immersing yourself in it. By experiencing wholly, one is able to let go, to detach.

If I am proud and pleased with myself for accomplishing a deed, I hope to feel the pride and satisfaction thoroughly. When someone does something unreasonable, I hope to feel anger or frustrated.

Things are not as easy as it seems. I yearn it but I fear that this detachment would overwhelm me too. Especially allowing myself to feel the more negative emotions like jealousy, arrogance, loss, anger...

I even fear to feel happy and loved, because how would I know I wouldn't be hurt in the end?

Sigh. I am learning still. I am so scared I would fall off the path I have forged for this long. I wanna know how I can achieve this, and yet, still stay firm and rooted in myself.

...
...
...

I am human too. Eventually, I have to get over being afraid. Only by immersing myself fully in all these emotions, can I fully understand how others feel.

I will face my fears. I don't wanna leave regrets.

Thanks to you! - a few loved ones whom had unknowingly, with your random encouragements, spurred me to push myself, to create change in my life. I will do my Human Revolution.

Ah Fei's little butterfly.

I need to feel better. I really dun wanna get affected by all the miserable ignorance in the world.

One disappointment after another...

Even the strongest man on earth will crumple.

That's why I'm all the more thankful now, for reading my mail today. Serangoon South D3's WD, Lilian sent me a mail last weekend.

I've been amazed recently, how mothers of Kosen-Rufu can achieve so much. Just like my mum. Every single detail at work and home requires their full attention and still, they have so much strength and compassion to encourage fellow members.

Anyway, Lilian's email contained a guidance by SGI Vice President Tsuji on "Bring Forth Many Immeasurable Benefits". It's all-inspiring. I'm definitely going to manifest the law of life throughout my life. Benefits not just for myself, but for every single life connected to mine.

-=-

Looking at what i just typed just made me feel better. haha.

Cute typewriter fonts.

Speaking of typewriter. We're getting one for ________ tmr. :D
Hope she like it. and hopefully it works well.

When i told the class abt it, all the girls' reactions were the same. LOL.
I know! I want one too!! I have a feeling the guys have no idea why we would get her that. haha.

We adore the artsy farty stuff & they marvel over their modern high-tech gadgets.
Another difference between Mars and Venus.

-=-

I'm so in love with the song now.

"Ah Fei's Little Butterfly"

Oo...i feel the inspiration flowing thru my body. :)

GTG prepare for the things we will be doing tmr!

ARK - Criss.

Away From Kosen-Rufu.

Coined by NPSD's very own CRISS NG CHAI BENG.
Who knew Ah-Beng could come up with this? LOL.

-=-

The past few weeks of holidays had been SO different from past years' semester breaks. An collective effort from my beloved AVT class on the whole, we had been dating countless times in the span of less than a month.



Impressions of many classmates changed. Friendship was built up. Inside jokes were formed. Even though it wasn't EVERYONE, but it certainly proved that as long we really really want things to happen, they will.

-=-

Since my internship presentation, I guess most saw how LLC (low-life condition) i had become. Inside me, grew a fear for failure, something I hadn't felt for such a long time. Embarrassment and self-doubt were definitely in there too.

I had distant myself from Gakkai activities and felt a huge sense of laziness overwhelm my life. Was this the arrival of the SanShoShiMa? (three obstacles, four devils) If this was a test of faith, then, I must not be defeated.

Thankfully, BOE (Bodhisattvas of the Earth) emerge in the form of family, classmates, girlfriends, district leaders, YWD leaders, NPSD and many other SSA comrades.

I know some of you felt apologetic for the words you said that triggered my emotions and caused me to breakdown, but without you, I would never be able to realise my intolerance capability and oversensitiveness on certain things in life. So...no worries.

Really grateful none of you gave up on me. Especially my sister, who couldn't take it any longer. The fact, that I had so much good fortune in my life, yet I keep giving them away and mistreating myself.

When I prayed for opportunities to surface, be it my desired course, my awesome friends, dedicated lecturers, part time jobs, to attract ppl who need and love me, I would always get them answered. Yet, I don't mind sharing it or passing many of these opportunities to others. She told me this.

"You have no idea how happy you can actually be."

It not only shook me out of my self-pity, but i felt so ashamed all a sudden. Here I am, born in this era, with my beloved mentor, with this wonderful life philosophy, with so much to be thankful for, and all a sudden, I was pushing my life away.

-=-

I was really proud of myself today. Accomplished pretty much!

1. Coaching 'GEOG' class with KAILIN.
I'm just as excited as her, because the N'levels are ending soon!!!
It was a very relaxing session. And I was really glad she was opening up to me...

2. Met ROCHELLE, YIJIE, CHRISTINE, YINGTING, KENNETH & BENCHAN @ Henderson Waves.
Thou the wind wasn't strong enough for kite-flying.
At least i really enjoyed the company and my hot fudge sundae!

3. Traveled to Bukit Batok for NPSD25!! This week's at SIMIN's place.
Our one-hour daimoku was really dynamic. We set some really concrete prayers! Especially for each of our friends and the recovery of those suffering after the recent natural disasters.

We resumed our campus reachout planning. I guess everyone present's really excited about carrying out the project and going back to school! We also had a very fulfilling sharing!! VIVO Campaign is already at its final phrase and there's absolutely no reason for us to slacken in our efforts now!

We really have to achieve Victory for Individual, Victory for Others!!

Criss told Suet Yieng & Grace that they shouldn't be ARK (Away From KoFu).
To me, they have been struggling hard BTS. (Behind The Scenes)

But i did agreed with him. If we really want to create a harmonious and vibrant environment in each of our spheres, to become indispensable individuals, then, we cannot be away from our mission of Kosen-Rufu for even a single second.

CHIM-a-LOGY

BGRs.

Maybe it's the cold weather, or the fact that all our friends are coupling up, but we've got a serious case of couple-itis. It's when single gals suddenly find themselves lonely and lookin'.

I may have a lot of love to spread and pass around - I love my family, my friends & the things i do - but, i dunno if there's time to commit to just one person.

It pains me so much to see my girlfriends suffering in agony. I don't even want to describe the things they went through. Even though, after clear, unbiased debate, we came to a conclusion where a possible cause planted by them, arose to an irreversible effect, when their crushes or boyfriends left them so confused and frustrated.

Tonight, I'm so proud of YOU for taking up the courage to confront, to confess and to embrace the situation!! Even though, i'm deeply sorry for being so strict and naggy with you the past few days, tonight's outcome really left me speechless.

Only a 'smiley' icon can express my JOY!! :D

I know how you feel now. I feel it too!! You are suddenly freaked out by the speed things are changing. You wanna smile and scream in joy but you are so afraid things don't last. You are afraid of change and what the future brings. I understand, babe. I really do!! LOL!

Continue to persevere, babes!! Really hope you all will be happy!!

Either way, you STILL have your own life to lead, so...don't let anything affect you. No matter what happens, whether he propose in the end or abandons you cruelly, remb, you do not exist for him. Live for yourself!! Love & respect yourself if you want others to love & respect you!!

"i'll be there for you~"

:D