Awakening

So...i guess close buddies and girlfriends probably knew i had quit my job already. Thanks for the concern, darlings. And whether its been a rude awakening, a worthwhile experience or not, things had happened and i'm not going to regret my decision. :)

Besides thinking of the next step to take, i'm also wasting no time checking off each of my personal resolutions. I'm not perfect. In fact, i'm usually procrastinating my errands, impatient when things are not happening as they should and feeling sorry for myself most of the time.

ohwell.. :/
"what can i say?"

But, i'm glad i have a mentor in life, who guides me through my darkest hours. Comrades and good friends who are there, assuring me that i'm not alone. In fact, just knowing that they are trying to be strong, just because they need to be, for their loved ones, gives in unparalleled strength to forge ahead in all adversities.

Reading through Peijun's 20th birthday wishlist leaves me with some...regret for my 21st wishlist. I didn't complete the Organ Donation form that was sent to my home and now I've lost it. And reading hers, made me resolved to make a new wishlist this year..

2010. Half way gone. Time to renew my determination and take action!!

"Everything begins with the resolve to take the first step. From that action, wisdom arises and change begins. Without action, nothing changes."

Daisaku Ikeda.

So...here goes nothing.

1. Cleaning up. Pack and re-arrange my messy bookshelf, my wardrobe, my bags, my life.

2. Catch up in my reading. Daily news. Two books a month. Engrave the Human Revolution volumes in my life.

3. Engage in more heart-to-heart dialogues with people around me.

4. Fill in a proper Organ Donation form and send it to HOTA, MOH. (Singapore Human Organ Transplants Act)

5. Learn another language/dialect.
I'm so half-passed-six in my mother tongues of Mandarin and English. And barely anywhere in others like the Hokkien or Cantonese (start picking it up at work) dialects and Malayu. It's time to polish these and maybe, i might even pursue Sign Language. :)

6. Complete my 1 million daimoku by 31st December 2010.

Of course, the list does not end here. But the rest shall be for another post.

:D

Running Away

That had been all I did for the last few months. I hate feeling so lousy and sorry for myself. And thankfully, I have wonderful people in my life.

Every morning, I wake up with messages waiting to encourage me, how to not flinch at my problems, but forge ahead, overcome it and move on. Thanks for all the love. I feel so shameful. :P All the complaining. How painful your ears must have felt all this while..but you guys still stayed on. Thank you for that.

Of course, there are others, whom I understand, couldn't be there physically for me. But looking at your photos, reading what's going on in your life from FB (Siti...) and from publications (Ikeda Sensei, ZhenWei, Peicong, Van...etc), I know I'm not fighting this battle alone. :)

A lot happened today. Small incidents that shook me up.
A friend wasn't feeling well. I didn't realized it and all along I was beside her~ Sorry. :( Another girlfriend had an ultra-unlucky day. But a little gift can cheer her up so much.

On the way home, a friend thanked me for a msg. Just a small greeting that made his day. Well, it made mine too. These stuff might seem like relative happiness/unhappiness to us, but it also reminded me that I have the Mystic Law and let me realized how selfish I had been for a while. A pretty long while. With the Gohonzon, there's no reason to doubt.

The reason why I hadn't been blogging isn't because I wish to fake a happy-all-the-time identity virtually. I know how many pages my complaints and grumbling can fill up this blog. And I didn't want to leave these unhappy memories down for readers. The world is sad enough for pessimists. There's no need to add more to it.

The following passage is "kop-ed" from mx's blog. I can't say it better myself.
"Life is really about moments I realize. Day in Day Out, People talk about crucial moments. I know the crucial moment for me has arrived. Time to take action. Rejection may not necessary be a bad thing but everything start from scratch again , for me at least!! I can honestly tell myself that I want a break VERY VERY BADLY!!! Not trying to be emo but I been feeling quite lonely and super tired nowadays. Missing out on plenty of things. TRAINING TRAINING, MX shall not be defeated by all of these rubbish. If your stomach is full, you cannot practise faith correctly. Winter never fails to turn to spring."

I cannot allow the three poisons of greed, anger and foolishness
take over my life.
I'll be stronger.

Thanks, <3
:)

I'm not going to hold on to them any longer.
This is my absolute happiness. I've found the solution.
This time, I've learnt to let go..

A roller coaster ride.

So much has happened and im still putting all the bits and pieces together.

People coming and going.
Who's going to make an impact and stay here for a long long time to come?
Or is this the first and last time both of us are ever going to meet?
Do we need to leave our contacts for the other?
What degree of friendliness should I project to you then?

Is this really what I want for myself?
Is this where my mission lies?
What else am I missing out?
Who else is coming along?

Who should I be? Be true to myself, you say?
So..how untrue had I been all this while then?

Strength. Undefeatable. Courageous.
Compassionate. Demure. Gentle. Emotional.
I was a little here and there. That's who I am. Or was.
Am I really going to let the environment shape me otherwise?
If 'no', then why am I being so careful with my words?
Why hasn't I been able to speak up and voice out my thoughts?

How i wish i have 24 more hours. just lie down comfortably, reflect and blog all day.

:|

Just checked in.

I'm currently located at Changi Airport, Terminal One, Gate D37. It's 9.47am.

Just checked in and I still can't believe I'm doing this alone. Thankfully, the guys will be meeting me at Taoyuan International Airport. Haha, I wonder where all this courage came from. In less than 2 weeks, and hardly any prior discussion, Yijie, Junwei, Junqi and I are going for our informal grad tripv to Taiwan.

Will continue to update whenever we're free. Or when we get back to SG.

I'm missing my family, friends and comrades already..
Although I'm on a vacation, my mission for kosen-rufu will not pause here. I've brought with me the new SSA YWD english publication, "The Vow of Ikeda Kayo", Feb-April 2010 CL issues, SSA Times issues regarding the SYM (SSA Youth Muscial) and also the original soundtrack of the SYM to share with the members there. :)

GTG!! Boarding soon.

SEE YOU ALL IN A WEEK's TIME!! PLEASE TAKE CARE!!

:D

School's out. What's next?

Time seems to fly by SO SO fast..


School has ended...weeks ago. :/
"Am I the only one slacking? :/ :/"

That was probably one big question mark in my mind every single day since the semester ended. Even if i act dumb, my mum would voice it out religiously every evening.

I'm glad a few friends of mine shook me out of dreamland. Time to face the world. Even though they needn't say much, or might not even have the intention to, their actions constantly sent me to another level of guilt.

What am I doing?

Everyone else's either sending out university applications, looking out for scholarship interviews or finding work...any work.

Finally decide this wouldn't do. No matter how far-fetched my dreams seemed to be now, if I do not even take a single step towards reality, nothing can be realized.

SO...

I found myself a job today!! :) And I really look forward to it~

Plucked up my courage to call Pang, boss of a production company and he offered to fetched me from wherever I was, and drove me to his office! Nice man. Not much paperwork to do and I'm just getting a basic salary, but this is one big actual proof - chanted really sincerely for a breakthough!

Never thought the interview to be this easy. I got the job almost right away and we spent the entire car journey discussing what I could possibly learn and contribute to the company. Can't wait to start~

Of course, we both anticipate possible working temperaments. I guess its unavoidable, so I look forward to a rewarding and strict training. First call starts Friday!! - Mayday concert. Hope I can pick up the skills asap... >.<

-=-

PLUS~

NPSD's orientation and graduation's coming!!
OMG!! Really excited!! Though I'm graduating, I can't wait to see the result of all the efforts of everyone else!! :D

xyn - our chief chereographer. :)

PLUS PLUS~~
May's coming in a few weeks.. really hope I can brush up my dancesteps soon. Don't wanna pull the team down. We are lighting our props in May! :S