Champagne Rose.-=-
i'm thankful. :)
I know this is awfully belated. Just wanna say how grateful I am to every single family and friend in my life. September hasn't been an easy month to pull through. October is almost ending and i'm still lost in my 21st year resolutions. But because of this eventful period, I got to understand myself better. No longer do I wish to wallow in self-pity.
Days ago, a girlfriend and i had an argument. We had different views about life. I didn't like her cynical remarks and she finds me fake at times too. Fake probably because to her, I don't let myself see the world negatively. And I had my reasons. But I was glad we talked about it. Even if in the end, our views were still largely biased, it made me reflect a lot about myself.
I realized how much I yearn for emotional detachment. Detachment does not mean ignoring an experience, but immersing yourself in it. By experiencing wholly, one is able to let go, to detach.
If I am proud and pleased with myself for accomplishing a deed, I hope to feel the pride and satisfaction thoroughly. When someone does something unreasonable, I hope to feel anger or frustrated.
Things are not as easy as it seems. I yearn it but I fear that this detachment would overwhelm me too. Especially allowing myself to feel the more negative emotions like jealousy, arrogance, loss, anger...
I even fear to feel happy and loved, because how would I know I wouldn't be hurt in the end?
Sigh. I am learning still. I am so scared I would fall off the path I have forged for this long. I wanna know how I can achieve this, and yet, still stay firm and rooted in myself.
...
...
...
I am human too. Eventually, I have to get over being afraid. Only by immersing myself fully in all these emotions, can I fully understand how others feel.
I will face my fears. I don't wanna leave regrets.
Thanks to you! - a few loved ones whom had unknowingly, with your random encouragements, spurred me to push myself, to create change in my life. I will do my Human Revolution.
Days ago, a girlfriend and i had an argument. We had different views about life. I didn't like her cynical remarks and she finds me fake at times too. Fake probably because to her, I don't let myself see the world negatively. And I had my reasons. But I was glad we talked about it. Even if in the end, our views were still largely biased, it made me reflect a lot about myself.
I realized how much I yearn for emotional detachment. Detachment does not mean ignoring an experience, but immersing yourself in it. By experiencing wholly, one is able to let go, to detach.
If I am proud and pleased with myself for accomplishing a deed, I hope to feel the pride and satisfaction thoroughly. When someone does something unreasonable, I hope to feel anger or frustrated.
Things are not as easy as it seems. I yearn it but I fear that this detachment would overwhelm me too. Especially allowing myself to feel the more negative emotions like jealousy, arrogance, loss, anger...
I even fear to feel happy and loved, because how would I know I wouldn't be hurt in the end?
Sigh. I am learning still. I am so scared I would fall off the path I have forged for this long. I wanna know how I can achieve this, and yet, still stay firm and rooted in myself.
...
...
...
I am human too. Eventually, I have to get over being afraid. Only by immersing myself fully in all these emotions, can I fully understand how others feel.
I will face my fears. I don't wanna leave regrets.
Thanks to you! - a few loved ones whom had unknowingly, with your random encouragements, spurred me to push myself, to create change in my life. I will do my Human Revolution.
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